Anger is a valid and necessary emotion. Often times it’s telling us that we feel our safety is jeopardized in one way or another. And how you channel and use this anger is entirely up to you. But I truly believe that if the act of experiencing and talking about your anger lifts a noticeable weight off of you, then it is alchemized into a beautiful and transformative emotion. And that emotion can be used to do some of the most intense and powerful magick for you. Be angry, allow it to set you free, then use its energy as a battery to power your most authentic and passionate desires.
This Gemini new moon has been the most emotionally complex new moon I’ve ever felt. I read that it is not a great time to start things and based off of vibes alone, I would agree.
I find myself reevaluating everything. My goals, the way that I’m approaching them, the people in my life, the way that I communicate with them. Everything needs revision; I can feel it. My only focus now is to figure out in what way, and if some things actually just need deleted all together.
For tonight, and the sake of this blog being a virtual time stamp of my journey, I will say this - I realize right now that I have not taken care of myself in a very long time. I have started to try caring for myself again recently but have already found myself swept away and distracted by everyone else’s life grievances.
I cannot control everything and I am not responsible for ebb and flow of other peoples lives. My own life matters just as much and deserves my full attention right now.
In my exploration of paranormal emotions, I have found that the most successful experiment has been when I have investigated my own trauma.
You’re either thinking, “Why the hell would I do that!?” Or “That’s what therapy is for you.” And I hear you. Both objection to this, and professional management of it, is valid. And honestly, I highly suggest therapy for anyone. Especially one looking to dive into the depths of your soul by way of ghost hunting. But I digress.
After experiencing a traumatic event I found myself exploring the idea of soul fragments - in layman’s terms, the potential for a part of my soul to have been fractured off at the site of the trauma. I played around with the concept of my soul being separate from myself, even if only a part of it, and thought about how similar that was to a ghost. Could I now be a ghost, I thought. If so, then going to this spot to “retrieve” my soul or going to the spot to “communicate” with it, could be possible . However, it was overly apparent that going to this spot was a bad idea, since it was privy to gang and gun violence. So then, what if I were to go there…inn my head.
It started with participating in experiments over Zoom with a fellow investigating friend, Cherise Williams. We asked each other questions. First, asking one another about ourselves, and then later asking one another’s subconscious about themselves. All while in the Estes method.
Later, I began experimenting with this same thing but alone. I would use the spirit box and sensory isolation to send me into a trance and automatic draw and write to get out the answer I received in trance on paper. Doing so often took me on a visual journey of the subconscious. Thus was born the El Method, of which you can read about in previous blogs.
The answers have been beyond compelling - complete and intelligent responses to questions we did not tell the other we would ask. Not only that, but there were also answers that were incredibly deep. Sometimes telling us things about ourselves we had not thought of before. Ways that I could heal, visuals of my fractured soul at the spot of my traumas. Insecurities I had that I had not realized were holding me back.
These experiments and the investigation of my trauma is still ongoing. But I realize now that there is something very paranormal afoot here. An opportunity to tap into ourselves in a way that blends all elements of the supernatural together. And heals ourselves and potentially those around us at the same time. And so I shall continue to do it, again and again.
Ghost Hunting Equipment:
EMF Meter (x2)
SB7 Spirit Box
Pen and Paper for readings
Extra battery packs
Some magical words recently left my mouth and landed on someone in a very meaningful way. While this would not normally be worth writing about, I thought it was interesting that I could be so wise in this moment considering I had never actually followed my own advice before. I told this someone to do something that I had not yet done for myself.
What stuck with me even longer after this sobering realization was that my words were sound and correct. My advice had helped them. And it was inside me all along.
I have an ordinary life, for what it’s worth. A job that pays bills that sustains life that breathes and bleeds like you. But outside of this ordinary life, on the other side of daylight, is a complex weaving of thoughts about death and the ways in which we are brought back together after it. These philosophies and fantasies fill my head and most days my ordinary life bores me. I’m left wondering about ways to bring my love for the occult into the places I frequent the most - an office. Despite the smell of office supplies and buzzing overhead lights, I try to invoke the smell of rotting wood in a historic building or the sensation of midday sun upon my face. These are the ways in which I make the 8 hour day a little more magickal.
First, I try to start my day with divination. I’m not a particularity early riser but I try at least once a week to wake up just early enough to pull a tarot or oracle card. I typically ask questions that have nothing to do with work but you could if you cared more than myself about it. Mostly, I ask for insight into my week as a whole, or messages from my spirits or ancestors. Either way, communication with the beyond begins before work and I carry it with me through the day.
I also bring with me to work whatever it is that I want (within reason, of course). Crystals for better communication or prophetic daydreams? In the work bag. A marble or a stone or a puzzle piece that brought meaning to me somewhere, at some time? In the work bag. I am not afraid to carry things with me to the office that bring with it magick and whimsy.
Smells are important to - they transport you. So I wear an oil for protection, or spirit communication or courage. Not too strong so that my coworkers are bothered but enough for me to not only smell ink or paper or the keys on a keyboard.
Lastly, I walk. Not everyone can do this; I’m very lucky. But as often as I can I walk to and from work. I have a car but the walk allows me time to myself in a way that has become incredibly valuable to my day to day routine. I start the week listening to an astrology podcast (CHANI usually) and the rest of the week I’m listening to my favorites…Florence, Stevie, etc…dark and magickal moods to set the tone of a rather boring day ahead.
As you can tell, I don’t like my day job. This is something I’m rather ashamed to say. I wish I had advice on how to find passion in the work you do even if it does not reflect your desires, but I don’t. I hope to find different work someday but until then I say - be the office weirdo.
After the unsettling sensation of a phantom spider, I decided to move back upstairs from the basement while attempting to maintain my composure on my live stream. It was this particular task - maintaining an entertaining presence online while assessing the presence and purpose of a paranormal entity - that changed my mood entirely and thus the course of the night.
Upon my arrival to my safe spot upstairs, I found myself staring blankly at the live stream chat; words escaped me as viewers asked what happened. I usually have no problem cracking a joke or articulating a theory in a moment of fear. In this case, however, I was stuck; my brain and body scattered throughout the floors of the brothel. Within this momentary mess of existence, I found myself experiencing what I would have never guessed...DeJa'Vu.
I've talked before about the trickster's comical and persistent attempt to divert us from finding answers within the paranormal and how it he often arrives when we are closer than ever to making sense of it all. It was in the throes of my DeJa'Vu that I felt him near again. The question now was what to do about it.
For the remainder of the night, I stayed off live and largely offline. My primary goal had changed from communicating with ghosts to communicating with myself, with the Trickster, and with this odd emotion that had surfaced. I decided to use the SB7 spirit box for the rest of my investigation and visited the basement again, first. After, I spent time inside the strangely familiar madam's apartment...where the DeJa'Vu was strongest. I asked the feeling itself questions, digging into why this would be happening and what it meant for me as an investigator. The ghosts, if there were any, stepped back from this intimate moment between and my own emotions and the message began to decipher for me...
Which I'm not telling you.
This past Saturday I had the pleasure of investigating the infamously haunted Dumas Brothel in Butte, Montana. I paid for an overnight investigation by myself which cost me $400 - a very fair price, honestly. Having visited the Dumas once before, but never investigated, I was excited and eager to see what it had in store.
An upbeat and well caffeinated four and a half hour drive led up to the night and when I arrived, they told me that the energy of the brothel is unique and often very active. I continued to have a good hour and a half conversation with the owners and the one employee who would be with me overnight until eventually the owners left and I began to set up my equipment for the night. Not before the employee ensured me though that he brought a gaming console with him to keep himself occupied in the office and that he wouldn’t interfere or make any noise as long as I wanted to be in the brothel.
I brought almost all of my equipment for the night including my GoPro, so that I could set myself up over the three floors. Determined to film more than I usually do, my batteries were charged to the nines and I was ready to go investigate whatever the night had to offer me.
After set up, I started on the second floor where upper class clientele used to be serviced and where the madam of the brothel lived. My mind tried to focus and ease and I concentrated on reading the area intuitively first and foremost. What first came to mind however was a pull to the basement, which was arguably the most terrifying area of the building. I had barely begun in the spot I had started and yet I felt the need to go everywhere, and especially down, immediately. I then decided to go live on Instagram for the first time of the night figuring that I could take everyone on a tour of the building, including downstairs, and that that might quiet my mind and body for the night. (Watch the Instagram Live that I posted for the full story of what happened then)
After I was off live, I decided that I would do an EVP session, since a friend and follower had suggested it. I went back upstairs, to a bench I had designated as my home base and began to run my recorder as I got out my drawing materials. While the recorder was running I felt a couple entities come through in my channeled drawings, both men, although, I did also feel like the madam was in her room as well. The EVP session on first playback didn’t seem to produc anything of note but I still need to review it further. My drawing and channeling however did give me a good idea about the energy that was most present and strong and that energy happened to men - different than I expected.
Later I attempted to go live again but failed multiple times as my service went in and out. Although I wont be giving it too much thought I will say that I don’t understand why my service kept going out since I did have three bars of service. The floors in the brothel gave a strong base EMF reading so maybe this had something to do with it. The EMF also I think resulted in the many bouts of dizziness and lightheadedness that occurred for me throughout the night. An unpleasant side effect of a building holding on for dear life.
During one spotty live that I foolishly didn’t save I felt like a spider had crawled down my back while sitting downstairs. This wouldn’t have been anything of note if it wasn’t for the fact that there was not spider and the feeling persisted until I completely removed myself from the basement altogether. This struck me as odd, and a little reminiscent of the reports of scratching that the building is known for. It almost seemed as thought something tried…and failed.
As we explore the paranormal aspects of our ourselves and the ways we can investigate the reverberations of the living, a complex and fascinating odd emotions always comes to mind for me - deja vu.
We’ve likely all heard of deja vu and probably have experienced it a time or two as well. Deja vu by definition is a feeling of having already experienced the present situation. So you may be visiting somewhere you’ve never been when deja vi hits and it feels like you’ve been there before. Or it could come to pass when you’re having a conversation that feels almost like you could guess the next words, verbatim. Either way, deja vu is naturally a very odd emotion and I have always believed it had a connection to the other side.
This connection is not too far fetched when you consider the more fantastical belief that deja vu is actually some kind of premonitory experience, or dream made real. It is an uncanny feeling that takes us out of everyday life and rather suddenly, injects a bit of mystery into our routine. It is deja vu, along with the other odd emotions I’ve discussed before, that I have recently began to contemplate might be tipping us off to a paranormal touch point. So when we experience a bout of it, I believe we can stop and ask the feeling itself a few different questions.
Perhaps this approach can help us understand if the deja vu is our own, or a tapped memory of a ghost. Or maybe its our own deja vu caused by a psychic impression we picked up some time before. Either way here are some questions you can use next time your feel deja vu arise or you find yourself at a paranormal emotive touch point as a result of it.
Questions to ask deja vu:
If this my deja vu?
Is this connecvted to a spirits memory?
Are there any spirits near me, rather connected to this location or not, who would like to communicate with me?
What message do you have for me?
If this is my deja vu, why is this surfacing right now?
Did I dream this situation before?
It’s there significance to this situation?
What lesson could I learn from this experienced of deja vu?
You’ve booked your stay, took time off work, gathered your friends…it’s time for your next paranormal investigation! But before you go, there are a few things we need to do to prepare.
A paranormal investigation can certainly be done on the fly however if you prepare appropriately, you can get the most out of your time and energy (and most likely money spent for the experience). I wanted to provide you with a handful of tips I’ve used over the years that help me manage my time and most importantly heighten my paranormal experiences and activity throughout the night.
What are you bringing with you?
The most simple of advice and yet the most crucial is preparing the stuff that you plan on bringing. This can help make it as comfortable as possible during a night when you are likely going to be cold, dirty, possibly wet, scared, and tired. First, check any equipment that you have. Does it require a tripod? Will it make sense for the type of location? Does it take batteries or a charger? Make sure to get a good charge on everything the day before, including battery packs and pack a few extra batteries of each kind as well. You’ll also want to ask yourself if you want to bring anything that might come in handy that is NOT equipment. This can include things like tarot cards, oracle cards, crystals, oils, protective jewelry, dowsing rods, ouija boards, etc.
Ifyou are bringing crystals, here is a small bundle of crystals I suggest to carry with you to enchance your spirit communication abilities:
If you’re worried about staying protected, here is a bundle crystals to help with protection:
How are you preparing yourself?
If you have the time to prepare yourself mentally and physically before an investigation, take the opportunity. I often like to meditate the night before, pull a few tarot cards and even do a little bit of physical activity. Meditating and divination allows me to begin connecting with the location and its spirits as well as connect with my ancestors and spirit guides, who help me safely open myself up to the other side. Physical activity gets me prepared for all the walking and climbing stairs I might be doing on the investigation. I drink lots of water and prepare a water bottle to take with me as well. It seems simple but I still find myself forgetting some of these tasks and not feeling 100% throughout the night of the investigation. It’s also not a bad idea to pack some pain reliever (you never know), snacks and caffeine (for obvious reasons.)
Lastly, I always like to remind everyone to stay open to all of the possibilities that the night holds. Yes, you may be looking for a ghost. But what will you do if something else shows up? How will you adjust your approach if the activity doesn’t look the way you expected. Stay flexible and optimistic, and trust that you’re being led on a journey for a reason. Perhaps you’ll have an opportunity to help yourself or others (living or dead), and anything that happens along the way is journey that was meant to happen all along.
Happy investigating. My next stop will be: The Dumas Brothel.